Abuse / Neglect
Abuse (Abuser)
In Brief
Persistent efforts to bully, injure, frighten, control or isolate.
Tells
Jealous, controlling, blaming, hypersensitive, coerced sex, demeaning, threats of violence.
Treatment Models
Duluth Model: Feminist approach views violence as a consequence of men’s need for power and control.
CBT: Focuses on anger management, communication skills and alternatives to violence.
Quotes
“The only effective way to put an end to verbal abuse is to call out the abuser each time they strike.” ~ B. Brogaard
“The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.” ~ E. Burke
Abuse / Neglect (Victim)
In Brief
Guilt/Shame, Safety (Children, Self), Cultural/Religious pressures, Finances, Savior complex.
Quotes
“Sometimes we refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us.” ~ Unknown
“The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.” ~ Unknown
Client / Therapist
Client:
“Sometimes he can be so great.”
Therapist:
“Would you want such a relationship for your daughter?”
Client:
“I know I should leave him, but I just can’t.”
Therapist:
“Sometimes victims need to temporarily tolerate what otherwise is totally unacceptable.”
Client:
“Therapy has made me realize that when I punched my wife, I was actually hitting my mother.”
Therapist:
“No! You were hitting your wife.”
Resources
Websites
Futureswithoutviolence.org
Childhelp.org
Thehotline.org
Safehorizon.org
Helpamotherout.org
Menstoppingviolence.org
Thehotline.org
peaceoverviolence.org
Goodmenproject.com
Movies
The Color Purple
Two Can Play That Game
Precious
A Star is Born
Good Will Hunting
Slumdog Millionaire
This Boy’s Life
Antwone Fisher
The Condemned
Dangerous Intentions (1995)
A Star is Born (2018)
Waitress
Books
Understanding Child Abuse & Neglect
~C. Tower
Working with Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma
~K. Knight
Anger: Taming the Beast
~ R. Peurfoy
When Good Men Behave Badly
~ D. Wexler
Changes That Heal
~ H. Cloud
The Anger Control Workbook
~ M. McKay, P. Rogers
Therapy Pros
Can reduce self-destructive behavior. Provides tools, support, and perspective.
Court-ordered: Highly motivating for a few. Exposes fears rooted in the past. Builds perspective.
Therapy Cons
Lengthy. Can backfire. False/Contaminated memories can have horrible consequences.
Court-ordered: “Highly ‘therapized’ abusers tend to be slick, condescending, and manipulative.” ~ L. Bancroft. May also foster dependency.
